Vʀɪsᴋᴀ Sᴇʀᴋᴇᴛ ♏ ᴀʀᴀᴄʜɴɪᴅsGʀɪᴘ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hypertoxic) wrote2016-01-03 12:00 am
hypertoxic) wrote2016-01-03 12:00 am
CONSIGNMENT; inbox
serket.vriska@cdc.org
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serket.vriska@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES
serket.vriska@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES
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What did _you_ mean by that? We know what it means to Sephiroth.
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........
When I helped someone 8e gr8, it meant helping him get strong! We were the 8est team. I gave him advice on how to proceed, and nudged him in the right directions!
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And he 8ecame a very powerful player. I was proud of him!
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I guess what it means to me is someone living up to their full potential! And 8ecoming the 8est.
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I think if you'd asked me a long time ago, I would have added something dum8 and trite to that st8ment. "8ecoming the 8est, just like me!" or something.
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What a stupid kid I was. I didn't know anything.
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Anyway, that is what I meant.
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Do you like poems, Vriska? I've never asked.
[But what does she value? He knows his own path's a bit—call it odd. It's about survival. And her starting point was so different.]
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Sometimes I'm not sure what I want, Simon.
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Pff. Hey loser, stop reading shit for girls.
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What is it you want to show me?
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ATTACHMENT: [ulysses.epxs]
That has to be one of the least provocative things you've ever said. I'm disappointed.
Here's your poem, or part of it. It's about men who spent years lost at sea.
FROM: wilson.simon@cdc.org
You know at this point what we want is not really relevant. It's hard, I know. I do.
--- [ulysses.epxs]
Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
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[Oh God why.]
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Pedant.
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Look. I get it.
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8ut I can't shake this feeling l8ly that he might 8e right!
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To 8e honest, I'm glad I never met someone like him when I was younger. I would have completely idolized him and wanted to be just like him! In fact, I would have jumped at the chance to have him as my teacher.
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It's actually freaking me out a little that I'm suddenly am8ivalent a8out it.
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8ut it's also freaking me out that I'm considering it at all!
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Ugh.
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You'd think after a 8ajillion sweeps spent in the void I'd have figured myself out 8y now. Turns you dying doesn't grant you godlike wisdom or powerful insight or anything. Just makes you dead.
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You had some interesting circumstances when you were younger, from what I've understood. And there are worse things you can do, especially here, than to recognise the worst you could be.
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Do you think Sephiroth will survive? Don't tell him I asked you this, for God's sake.
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Interesting? Lol. That's one way of putting it.
Yes. At least until he gets tired of listening to the instructors. And then we might all 8e fucked.
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And why the fuck would I tell him that???? I don't actually want to die for a third time, holy shit!
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Sephiroth's not stronger than the instructors, though. I can tell you that. Though I suppose you're right the rest of us might have some trouble.
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I agree, 8ut that is not what I meant. He will decide to re8el at some point. It's inevita8le. And when he does, he will take a lot of us down with him just 8y virtue of how 8ig he will go out.
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And you'd rather be on his side at that point than not?
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That is also not what I meant, 8ut it's gr8 to know what you think of my morals.
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I'm sorry if I misunderstood you.
[Such a word for it, politics. He really is trying to think outside the box, and sometimes the effects aren't good.]
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I've done a lot of shit in the name of surviving, Simon. Killed a lot of people and did some 8rutal things!
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I am going to survive.
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8ut I am starting to think may8e it shouldn't 8e at the expense of people I actually care a8out.
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8eing on Sephiroth's side might mean I survive a little longer, sure! If it came to that. 8ut 8eing on his side also means sacrificing everything I've 8een working for all over again.
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And I have worked way too fucking hard to re8uild some sem8lance of a life to just throw it all away for the sake of some psychotic chucklefuck who would pro8a8ly end up killing me anyway.
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I know his type. He can pretend to gr8ness and glory all he wants! 8ut that is not what he'll get, and I am not going to 8e there when he figures that out.
[ Well. If he was trying to talk her off Team Sephiroth, he may actually have succeeded.
If he wasn't, then hey, added bonus! ]
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You might want to get into the bathroom for this one. Fair warning, and so on.
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But sometimes I'm absurdly proud of you.
1/3
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... has she?
If he's proud of her, does that mean ... she's doing something right?
The emotional whiplash that comes from reading that statement is too much for her to handle. She shoves it down, away, where it can't force her to examine herself too closely, and takes the easy way out. ]
That was not enough warning for something so gross! ::::/
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Sorry. Next time I'll be sure to give you more notice.
Sephiroth's not on a good path. You saw it. He will fail. He's watching his chance, and whatever they offered him - well, it won't happen.
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And there's more to aspire to than power for its own sake, and you saw that too. It's complicated, but you're learning, and doing it well.
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His belief in her.
It all crashes into her - her pain, her sorrow, her regret, her need, her loneliness, her anger, her ambitions and aspirations - her dreams. For more, for a better life. For one last chance not to fuck things up. And somehow -- somehow, she isn't -- she isn't fucking things up. If Simon's telling her that -- then she believes it. She can believe it, from him. The boy so scared of what she could be.
It burns, her everything. Her throat, her eyes. She has to swallow hard and stare sightlessly at the sky for a long moment before the feeling passes.
She cares about him too much. He means too much to her. Too much. ]
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One of the hardest things I ever learned was that there are things more important than power.
Things more important than me.
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Thank you. I needed the reminder why his teachings are a 8ad idea.
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She'd seemed so very alone right back at the start, crouched beneath her concealing hood on the crewship—and he'd tried to help her, because he was so alone. And then he'd nearly died, several times, and he'd found her to apologise despite all of her threats, because apologies are familiar, safe things that help set his world in order, and because if he'd died on the ice, he would have missed his chance.
What I want is a friend, she'd said. And what had he said? Friendship takes time. Right here and now, I can't give you that answer. But the CDC turned out to be a crucible, and she was made an example of—and then, at least in part outraged by what they'd done to her, he'd got the same.
And now they're friends. Except sometimes, now, he sees it when he closes his eyes:
Anyone, after all, can die. And often it's the brightest people who don't last. He's readying himself, as he is with everyone he cares about. But her most of all.]
Vriska, dear, it's fine.
But that was why I showed you the poem. Not "don't give up", quite. More "what we were isn't what we will be always, or should be always. And that's okay".
It is, you know.
[Not just her, of course, but him. Even at home, he knows there were horrors out there that make what he's going through look trivial. Sometimes he's ashamed.]
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